Floofy & Little-bit
It has been bugging me all week. I’ve felt it creeping up on me. I tried to push it away, not think about it. But it hit me with all it’s might today.
Two years ago today, Little-bit passed away.
Earlier this week, I was desperately running out of hard drive space. I knew I needed to take some of my photos off my laptop and onto an external drive. I also knew that the photos from the year 2011 were numerous and several Gigs of space. I thought that perhaps before shunting off my photos to an external drive I should at least go through them. My workflow has changed over the last two years, and now I don’t hang on to photos that obviously just don’t work. I used to take 3-4 photos in quick succession because I didn’t know how to control shutter speed and was trying to overcome blurry pictures. So I know I have a ton of photos that are full of camera shake. Why didn’t I delete them then? Well, because I had a strange notion that if I kept all my photos then I would know I wasn’t missing any if the image numbers were sequential. I know better now. Now I only keep the ‘good’ ones, it is so much easier to go back to old photos when I don’t have to wade through all the ‘bad’ photos.
What I didn’t realize when I set out to work on this little project of making more space on my laptop, was that I’d be looking at the photos of the last month of Little-bit’s life. I tried to push through it, stay focused on my task. But a little voice inside my head asked, “was it the 27th or the 28th?”. When I got to February 23rd and saw the last photos I had taken of him, my mind went immediately back to that day. The photos were taken just hours before we rushed him to the emergency room, where he would spend the last 5 days of his life in ICU. I try really hard not to think of his last week… but to think of his life, his spirit, his silliness… but that last week is etched in my mind and is hard to push aside.
The month of February is a hard month for us. Floofy also passed away in February, the day after Valentine’s Day. It’s been 5 years since Floofy passed away, and it is getting easier to deal with, but he will always be with me.
|My mind kept asking, “was it the 27th or the 28th?”… so I looked to my history page and came across that post… it was the 27th. The photo of him so happy, just hit me like an anvil. I miss them both so much.
Sweetie is definitely a light in my life, and I’m so glad we adopted her. She doesn’t understand why I’ve been hugging her so tight this week. Or why only moments ago, I was crying and hugging her.
I know I’ve been keeping it pretty light on the blog lately, but somehow I felt that sharing my pain would be cathartic. I do feel a bit better.
There is no time limit on getting over the loss of a loved one. In fact, you never ‘get over’ it. Time makes it easier to deal with. And your memories are full of all the good times, those are the ones to hang on to. And it’s ok to cry over the hard memories as well.
Until next time…