February…

Floofy & Little-bit

It has been bugging me all week. I’ve felt it creeping up on me. I tried to push it away, not think about it. But it hit me with all it’s might today.

Two years ago today, Little-bit passed away.

June 24, 1996 - February 27, 2011

Little-bit (June 24, 1996 – February 27, 2011)

Earlier this week, I was desperately running out of hard drive space. I knew I needed to take some of my photos off my laptop and onto an external drive. I also knew that the photos from the year 2011 were numerous and several Gigs of space. I thought that perhaps before shunting off my photos to an external drive I should at least go through them. My workflow has changed over the last two years, and now I don’t hang on to photos that obviously just don’t work. I used to take 3-4 photos in quick succession because I didn’t know how to control shutter speed and was trying to overcome blurry pictures. So I know I have a ton of photos that are full of camera shake. Why didn’t I delete them then? Well, because I had a strange notion that if I kept all my photos then I would know I wasn’t missing any if the image numbers were sequential. I know better now. Now I only keep the ‘good’ ones, it is so much easier to go back to old photos when I don’t have to wade through all the ‘bad’ photos.

What I didn’t realize when I set out to work on this little project of making more space on my laptop, was that I’d be looking at the photos of the last month of Little-bit’s life. I tried to push through it, stay focused on my task. But a little voice inside my head asked, “was it the 27th or the 28th?”. When I got to February 23rd and saw the last photos I had taken of him, my mind went immediately back to that day. The photos were taken just hours before we rushed him to the emergency room, where he would spend the last 5 days of his life in ICU. I try really hard not to think of his last week… but to think of his life, his spirit, his silliness… but that last week is etched in my mind and is hard to push aside.

Little-bit

Little-bit

The month of February is a hard month for us. Floofy also passed away in February, the day after Valentine’s Day. It’s been 5 years since Floofy passed away, and it is getting easier to deal with, but he will always be with me.

Floofy

Floofy

Floofy - we miss you! (May 3, 1994 - Feb 15, 2008)

Floofy (May 3, 1994 – Feb 15, 2008)

My mind kept asking, “was it the 27th or the 28th?”… so I looked to my history page and came across that post… it was the 27th. The photo of him so happy, just hit me like an anvil. I miss them both so much.

Sweetie is definitely a light in my life, and I’m so glad we adopted her. She doesn’t understand why I’ve been hugging her so tight this week. Or why only moments ago, I was crying and hugging her.

Sweetie

Sweetie

I know I’ve been keeping it pretty light on the blog lately, but somehow I felt that sharing my pain would be cathartic. I do feel a bit better.

There is no time limit on getting over the loss of a loved one. In fact, you never ‘get over’ it. Time makes it easier to deal with. And your memories are full of all the good times, those are the ones to hang on to. And it’s ok to cry over the hard memories as well.

Until next time…
~nic

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2 thoughts on “February…

  1. Deep sigh. There is a huge difference between how you love them when they are young puppies and what they mean to you after 10 plus years.
    Greta will be 11 in June. Since large dogs don’t generally live much past 12 years I keep counting down how long we will be together. How long will I need a bigger car. When will she stop being able to handle stairs. And how much longer after Greta is gone will I have to deal with the schizo and bi-polar cat by myself.
    The white on her muzzle only recently moved to her eyes. She greets puppies like equals. This may go on for many years. Good family genes , she tells me.
    S

    • Susan,
      Basset Hounds generally live 10-12 years, they are considered a large breed because they have big bones (Blood Hound with short legs). Floofy made it to almost 14 years, and Little-bit almost to 15 years. I knew all along that I had them in the ‘frosting’ years. To me they both looked good, their illnesses seemed to come on suddenly and they were gone within a week.

      Floofy had a brain tumor that eventually caused seizures, but until that first seizure (and the preceding symptoms) he seemed to be doing just fine. Little-bit had arthritis (and severe separation anxiety), but otherwise seemed healthy. San Diego made his arthritis sooooo much better and he was able to take the stairs with little discomfort. Both had symptoms seemingly out of the blue, and then progressed quickly.

      Little-bit got really sick when he turned 13 (on his birthday), I thought it was the end. Turned out it was just campylobacter, which required antibiotics and bland food. He lived almost two more years after that.

      Enjoy the time you have with Greta and try not to think about old she is. You just never know, it’s better to live each day to the fullest.

      Give Greta a big squeeze for me! Whenever I see an exuberant Golden I think of Greta. 🙂

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