Trying To Get The Feeling Again…


Oh, Barry, you know all the right words…

Lately, I just haven’t had that feeling… you know, the one where I have a running commentary in my head of all the things I’d like to share. Usually I can’t remember all the things I want to share and they are lost to the ether.

But the last few days, there hasn’t been much of a commentary in my head… I don’t know if it is because I’ve been a little bit spooked after reading Averie’s post, or if it was the realization that I didn’t want to take a picture of everything I was going to consume…

The mini food diary has not gone the way I had hoped. Instead of it being a fun adventure with my camera, it began to feel like something I can’t quite put into words… let’s just say, not good. I… uh…. felt judged?… No, I didn’t get hate mail, but it was out there… “here’s what I ate today”… and it just didn’t feel good. I felt pressured to eat according to some arbitrary code… and so by fighting off that icky feeling I went way to the other side and stopped taking pictures… which is not at all what I want. I want to play with my camera, I want to eat what my body craves.

And then there is the blog itself… I seem to have a love/hate relationship with the blog. I think a great analogy would be weighing yourself on a scale… you tell yourself that no matter what the scale says that you are proud of yourself, but invariably if it doesn’t read what you’d like, you are disappointed. The blog is a lot like that, you pour your heart and soul into your words, and if you’re like me, you read and reread your words before you hit publish, making sure that not only did you get grammar and spelling correct, but that you conveyed what you were trying to say. You might say I’m a perfectionist, you might say I’m anal, but I say, I just want to be proud of my work. But then there’s the rub, the stats, the comments… when your stats are low (no one has even read your post), or there are no comments (no one has answered your questions)… you start to ask yourself, why? Why am I spending time doing this when no one is even reading it? I can’t be the only one out there who’s stats have taken the wind out of their sails.

Anyway, I’m still here, I’m just trying to get that feeling again…

Until next time…
~nic

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5 thoughts on “Trying To Get The Feeling Again…

  1. Oh hon, don’t let stats take the wind out of your sails but yes, I can understand why that could happen. For me, it’s not stats that take the wind out of my sails..it’s the feeling that i “have to” blog; and that it has to be daily, and that it has to be earth-shattering, wonderful content. I dont have earthshattering things to say or reveal every single day, yet i fake it til i make it type of thing some days..b/c let’s face it, some days are just a Tuesday. We all have our little crosses to bear with our blogs..hang in there 🙂

    • Averie – Thank you… I have wondered how daily bloggers could do it… b/c I don’t have something earth shattering to reveal everyday and am in awe that you guys not only find the time each day, but actually have content to put out there. Thank you for reminding me that, indeed, some days are just a Tuesday. 😉

  2. I cannot believe you broke out the Manilow!!! I am kinda diggin that though.

    Wow, I read Averie’s post and thats just scary what creepers there are out there. I think we all have our days or periods when we feel like that and thats ok. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing substantial to say or if I haven’t really been cooking anything interesting. Life gets in the way sometimes.

    I’m curious about the food diary, are you not feeling good about what you ate after looking at it as a whole or just in general?

    • simplyshaka – I love love love Manilow! 😀 I had to kinda giggle at his silver shoes though. 😉

      Thanks for letting me know that you too have days like this. I sometimes look over the fence and the grass is greener… ya know… other bloggers are so upbeat and blog daily… but I should know better than to compare. You all have insecurities just like me.

      The food diary… I don’t know… at first it was fun, b/c I was playing with my camera. Then I found myself ‘eating for show’, I guess. Look at me, I’m healthy… oh, that cake… um, yes it was for breakfast and I totally wanted two slices… and then I found myself purposely getting hungry, b/c I didn’t know what I should eat. I liken it to reading a new diet book… there are all these rules on what you can and can’t eat that you get overwhelmed and just let yourself get hungry. Then you are miserable, because what you want at that point is just food of any kind, and the ‘comfort’ foods are calling which are usually the ones you are not ‘supposed’ to have.

      Artistically speaking, I loved the little collage at the end of my posts, I thought it looked neat. But that silly part of my brain took over and I wasn’t eating for the love of eating, I was eating what I made up in my mind as what I ‘should’ be eating. So maybe the judged feeling I had was from myself. 😦

      • I think for me, I either don’t blog when I am having one of those days or I try to be upbeat. I am one of those people I believe that you are and what you feel is what you portray yourself as to others. So happy thoughts=people seeing me as happy which in turn makes me happy. Hmmm that may not make any sense but it does in my head lol

        I understand about the food thing and doing it for show in a sense. Some days, I am somewhat satisfied with my eats but then think to myself “This is so boring compared to what other people are making”. The mind (and tummy) is a funny thing I tell you.

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